Attention Car Companies!
by Bucktowndusty
Car companies. You're no longer car companies; you're engine companies.
Ya' got that?
As engine companies, you need to make engines that get at least 50...miles...per...gallon (none of this 28 or 34mpg crap – that's pitiful and you know it).
Your engines can run on gas, bat shit, algae spores, trash, or caribou fur. As long as they give us at least 50...miles...per...gallon, we simply don't care.
We don't care if you call yourself Honda, Ford, or Toyota either; your logos are meaningless anymore, and you're wasting your advertising money talking about anything other than engines that get at least 50...miles...per...gallon.
We don't care about color, speed, styling, handling, or image anymore. We don't need anything on our vehicles other than a radio (to warn us when gas prices go up again), air conditioning, and a roof to keep out the rain. So make the vehicles that surround your engines as cheap as possible. Remember. We're facing foreign competition in our jobs, too. Money is tight, and money is the only thing more important than engines to us right now.
We simple will not drop another dime into another car purchase, until car companies become engine companies. We'll drive our clunkers into the ground before we get into debt driving something else that has the same return on investment that's 4-times worse than it was 3 years ago.
Remember, if all you car companies go out of business, we can still walk.
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How To Make Friends And Influence The World
by A. Hamilton
I could hardly believe my ears last week when I heard an H. Obama pundit drool "Excited and Passionately" that we would show the whole world that America has moved passed racism.
I screamed out loud at the television, "You fool!! That's not the reason to vote for the President of the United States."
The rest of the world has hated the U.S. for the last hundred years saying, "Yankee go home."
If this idiot thinks this is a valid reason to qualify Obama for President, then maybe the next election cycle should include only gays and lesbians. That would at least show Iran that we are so morally diversified that we had a male president and a male first lady. And, since Bill Clinton has already established that getting a blow job in the Oval Office is not considered sex, there should be no further question as to its legality.
While on the subject of legality, let's show the world how culturally generous we are and let the 20-million illegal immigrants vote in one of their own for four years. The only qualifications would be;
- They could not have been deported more than three times.
- They do not have more than two warning tickets for man-slaughter while driving drunk.
- And, of course, they must have an interpreter who understands and speaks English for the duration of his term in office.
With this, I think the world would like us just peachy.
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