Dirty Dicks & Russian Chicks
by Bucktowndusty
While on vacation this summer in Nags Head, North Carolina, my wife and I noticed many, nice Russian girls with limited English skills working the stores and restaurants. We’ve traveled there many times prior (with our favorite restaurant being Dirty Dicks, but I'll get to that later), yet never noticed any of these Russians before. Each interaction with them was a humorous experience worth repeating.
Our first contact took place at Food Lion. My wife and I put our items on the belt and said, "Hello," to the girl helping us. No response. I said to myself, "bitch," as I finished unloading. I then moved to the debit card reader and said, "I'll take $50 cash back." To this, the girl's body froze, only allowing several nervous grunts and stutters to exit her mouth, inaudible in any language. I could tell by her grunts and stutters, though, that she was Russian. She was only able to follow up with, "Sorry, English no good."
At this point I had to use hand signals to relay the message, flashing a five with my open hand, followed by a zero with my enclosed fingers, then the universal rubbing of fingers together to connote money, and finally vocalizing, "debit," as slowly as I could. "Debit" was apparently one of the few words she remembered, so the light bulb went off and she pushed all the buttons I needed to get my cash back.
The second interface happened at the same Food Lion but with a different girl. My wife asked for stamps only to receive the same deer-in-the-headlight look we received with the other girl. We tried and tried with our best attempt at charades, but resolved ourselves to wait until the manager responded to the "Russian Clerk In Distress" red flashing light above the flustered, Russian clerk's head.
The manager listened to our request, went back to the customer service desk, and brought back our stamps. My wife showed the Russian girl the stamps and said, "SSSSS-TTTTT-AAAAA-MMMMM-PPPPP-SSSSS," slow enough for a Hooked On Phonics lesson plan. The cashier finally understood, took out a sheet of paper from under her register, and wrote the word stamp on it next to the Russian equivalent so she would remember it the next time.
Our final incident was the funniest, and I swear I'm not making it up. We went to a clothing store called "Wings" to find my wife a bathing suit. After 10 minutes, I had to use the bathroom so I asked a girl at the front if they had a bathroom. With heavy Russian accent, she replied, "Bathroom, back right," indicating she understood at least the word bathroom.
Upon bladder relief, and upon going to the front desk to check out, we tried to order an impulse purchase, iron-on T-shirt. Again, I had to play charades mimicking the mechanics of an iron-on machine while pointing to my shirt. It took 3 girls in conference to finally understand that I wanted iron-on number 26 on a large, blue shirt.
Then it happened. While they searched for this iron-on pattern, a guy around 26-years-old walked through the door, came up next to us, and asked the Russian girls, "Do you know where Dirty Dicks Restaurant is?"
The girls all looked at each other surprisingly as if they had just seen a car crash. Finally, the Russian girl that waited on us replied, "Bathroom, back right." Apparently they confused "restaurant" with "restroom" but understood what "dick" meant and knew enough English to know that if a dick is "dirty" it needs "bathroom, back right." I don't know who was more embarassed, me or the poor guy everyone was laughing over.
So, what's the moral of the outrageously funny story? The moral is, if you have a dirty dick, don't tell it to a Russian – just kidding.
The moral of the story is, limited English skills within a predominately English nation can cause some seriously awkward (and funny) situations.
Don't be a passive reader! Tell me what you think! Do you AGREE or DISAGREE with me? Let me know, and while you're at it, if you want me to write about something, let me know that, too!OR, Comment on our Blog |
You Can Run, Then You Must Hide
by A. Hamilton
This week, Mrs. Clinton and Mr. Edwards were caught with their microphones on and pants down as they conspired and connived, in each other’s ear, how to get rid of fellow Democrats participating in the presidential debates.
Who wants cruds for President who forget that their microphones are on when they are beating-up on their comrades?
First of all; why are they still getting paid for working on Capitol Hill when they are constantly truant. Applying for a different position in the Federal Government is not what they are getting paid to do. Yet, they just gave themselves a raise.
These are the same people who want to cut off funding for our troops in Iraq. The big question is; how do we cut off funding for a Congress that does nothing?
Again, the same Congressional Democrats ragged on President Bush for not having an exit plan after winning the war. Now Democrats want to run from Iraq, but they also have no plan for Iraq after post exiting.
If we run from Iraq now, I will not be able to look another foreigner in the face. As I told my sons once, "A busted head or lip takes a couple of weeks to mend, but running never heals."
Don't be a passive reader! Tell me what you think! Do you AGREE or DISAGREE with me? Let me know, and while you're at it, if you want me to write about something, let me know that, too!OR, Comment on our Blog
|
