Undocumented Vaginas
by Bucktowndusty
Did you hear?
An inmate snuck a cell phone into prison inside her vagina and took pictures of Paris Hilton. Like the immigration debate, this infiltration proves that no matter now much manpower and technology our prisons use, there’s simply too many vaginas entering our prison system to fully secure it.
We must immediately plug these holes with the legalization of all cell phones in prisons. Problem solved.
How could Paris Hilton have avoided this mess in the first place, though?
Upon being stopped by police, Paris should have told authorities that she’s an illegal alien. It worked for the Fort Dix Six.
On top of that, she could have run to the same Westside Chicago church that is harboring Elvira Arellano, an illegal alien activist who refuses to cooperate with deportation orders. For over three months authorities refuse to enter the church to apprehend Elvira. Paris could be sitting with Elvira right now enjoying free room and board, minus the bars.
The last avenue available for Paris would have been to renounce her U.S. citizenship, apply for Mexican citizenship and illegally immigrate into America and wait for the Senate to pass the Amnesty bill that would pardon her past transgressions.
Unfortunately for Paris, she can’t count to six, Elvira isn’t in her social circle, and the Amnesty bill failed.
Paris will have to live with the reality that even behind bars, if big money wishes it, there are no secure borders.
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Comprehensively Undocumented
by A. Hamilton
Last week I said, "I hate to hear officials use the word 'comprehensive' when referring to immigration reform." I still feel that way. However, comprehensive would fit perfectly if, instead, it referred only to border security.
Comprehensive border security would include all the aforementioned trigger fixes plus 30 National Guard and Reserve summer training posts spread one-hundred-miles apart along the U.S./Mexican border.
Lets face it, the wars we will most likely fight will be of the same topography and climate as this area. The more comprehensive border secure is, the more acceptable "comprehensive" immigration reform will be to the American public. Until then, Americans are skeptical of low-paid, undocumented workers who, after a hard day of doing jobs Americans won't do, get drunk and kill someone with a stolen car, as in North Carolina.
When undocumented aliens get DUIs in North Carolina nothing is done to them until they kill someone. Even Paris Hilton got 45 days in jail for being an undocumented driver.
Now Americans citizens have to have passport documentation to go to and from the Caribbean, Canada and Mexico. The State Department has been so overwhelmed with applications that it can't fulfill all the requests.
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