"The Offense Of Offense Of The Offended"
by Bucktowndusty
It was offensive seeing the woman who drove her Chevy Beretta at 75-miles-per-hour right into the back of a state work truck that was traveling in the fast lane at 5-miles-per-hour. It was offensive seeing the explosion of glass, metal and debris. Upon skidding into the grass median behind the collision, getting out of our car, and running to the scene to assist, it was offensive seeing what was a nice looking woman, who until that point led a nice life, slumped over her steering wheel with the rest of her car crunched up into the windshield.
It was offensive seeing flames shoot out from under her car; flames that were so hot they burned off my chest hairs. When another witness to the crash threw me a fire extinguisher and I sprayed the fire only to realize two seconds later that the canister was empty, I was offended. When one of the men in the work truck emptied another full canister of extinguisher only to see the flames persist, I was equally offended. Having to watch this woman burn to death in front of me was as offensive as the definition allows. I'll never forget the offensive image burned into my memory of that women's arm involuntarily stretching out of the window with flames shooting from her fingers.
The fact that I had to remain at the scene for a full hour while the police took statements and cleared the scene was offensive. I was offended having to see the clean up crew remove this poor woman from her car, holding her by the charred arm bones that used to resemble something human. And as we chatted with the police, in near tears at the trauma we witnessed, we learned what the true meaning of offensive was.
One of the state workers, a gritty Southerner (If you're a Southerner, don't get offended – unless you're gritty or related to said grit), nonchalantly lit up a cigarette, and after we told the cops our heart wrenching account of the accident, the worker chimed in, "Oh, well. Shit happens!"
Offensive: adj. 1. Disagreeable to the senses. 2. The gritty Southerner whose brain I wished to punch a hole through.
Knee jerk reaction, if left free to overwhelm character, decency, and culture, would have willed me to kill this offensive man then and there. But, I didn't. Culture, character, and decency kept me from acting out primal instincts. Karma would come around soon enough for this man, of this I was sure. I didn't need to be an instant judge and jury. He would get his and that was good enough for us to leave the scene without causing another.
Ever since, I've wished to forget this incident. But, when I see Muslims burning items in protest over cartoons, I remember.
So, making fun of Islam is so bad that Muslims would kill, burn, and behead? What kind of twisted, upside-down logic is this? Beheading someone isn't as offensive? Killing someone isn't as offensive? Burning someone alive, as their effigies suggest, isn't as offensive?
This behavior of Muslim protestors mimics a body's reaction to an allergy, where their over-sensitive mental systems need inhalers in the form of Bic lighters to cope with the condition. As with a real allergy, though, being offended so easily is a mental weakness. It's a weakness that leaves Muslims no better off to cope with a modern world than if they were living 1000-years-ago.
Besides, infidels will not go to the Promised Land with all the virgins now will they? "Non-Muslims need not apply." Who cares what they say or do. Infidels and their offensive cartoons only occupy a brief speck of time in this thing we call life on Earth. An eternity of non-eternity will be their punishment.
Get over your offenses Muslims, and show some class. Everyone else (except for that gritty Southern bastard) does.
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"Y + 1's"
by A. Hamilton
I know of a homeowner who wanted siding installed on his house. For economical reasons he contacted a relative who was in the remodeling business and asked him to give a price. The relative estimated the cost and amount of time it would take to do the work. The cost was "X" amount and considered a fair price to do the job, however he said he could not get started until two weeks and that it would take him about two weeks to finish the job as he only had "Y" amount of men to do the work. The homeowner liked the price by not the timeframe, so he sought a quote from another contractor.
The second contractor estimated the cost to be slightly below the "X" amount quoted; in other words "X-1," and he could, "Start tomorrow morning," in spit of the fact that it was, at the time, 4:00 O'clock in the evening, because he had "Y+1" number of workers. Needless to say, he got the contract. But how could he possibly manage to start the very next morning?
The answer came bright and early the next morning where several of the "Y+1" workers were busily preparing to install the siding – in Spanish.
This sparked a bit of wondering. Are these "Y+1," workers just standing around waiting to do jobs like this? You bet they are. They're standing on street corners, in shopping malls and in special places built for them while they wait for contractors to pick them up. Home Depot has even built a special place for them to wait on Home Depot property.
Since then, I heard that this contractor can get any number of jobs started the very next morning because he has access to an infinite number of Y+1's. Meanwhile the Y's have to find other means of employment because there are too damn many Y+1's.
The remedy to this is a simple equation, (Y+1s) + deportation = 0.
Don't be a passive reader! Tell me what you think! Do you AGREE or DISAGREE with me? Let me know, and while you're at it, if you want me to write about something, let me know that, too!
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